Expecto Patronum

It's maybe that part of the month or I might be too much at peace with myself. Finally I have come to my old self which I was not able to find in myself. Few days back a friend of mine was talking about the loneliness she felt and as if there was no one to talk to her except family and I realised how long has it been since I felt that kind of lonely. My family isn't here and all day I maybe just talk 1/2 hr with my parents. I go to college study come home study go to sleep and the cycle repeats and I have never felt this satisfied with the routine. I get tired but haven't been frustrated in a long time. I have felt the gravity of the syllabus but haven't panicked yet. I think maybe I am owning myself up to the routine. I remember after my second year results, my father who never sugarcoats anything and is always very blatantly harsh about the truth just told me one thing " Keep yourself busy, don't give yourself the time to think about anything, work and work a...

You know how every person has a different combative pathway to pain - some like to talk to people, some go silent, some take it out on their loved ones while some just write it down and believe eventually it will go away. I have felt this weird kind of pain and it comes in bouts, every month with the hormones shooting and the body bleeding I feel it and I even know how to combat it. The only person who I might have bothered with this kind of pain is maybe my mother. But that's the physical part of the pain. What about what goes on the internal side, the pain that aches when you see someone on the road holding hands, someone on the phone talking to them, someone on the train having someone to lean their head on. Then you watch Pakistani dramas and it intensifies the hollow feeling that you have felt all along the day but at the same time assuring and reassuring you that your time will come. I don't know but with the kind of people I see around how to keep my faith on the realism...

This one is going to be very vague, absolute bullshit so consider not reading it unless you are too inquisitive about what this piece of shit is. So I decided my 2025 resolution to develop no kind of crush or any kind of feelings for anyone and to live exactly like how I lived during my 11-12th but then you know how after a successful day of completing all your targets and everything you wish to talk to someone but you don't have that "one" specific someone in your life and it's not like you can't tell your friends or sibling but after a point you just crave for that one in your life, I have been facing that crisis for some time. I was talking to a friend the other day and I realised probably we are at a point where we need someone on a daily basis not all the time but yes for sometime and probably we are trying to fill that void with social media or songs or movies but this isn't filling the void it's just eating us up from inside. Now it's not like t...

It's in human nature to compare, we compare, we contrast, we make pros and cons list, it's everywhere. There's no existence without comparison. We weigh happiness, sadness, misery, achievements based on others and this is the reality of our existence. Even when we say don't compare with others, we say compare with your older self. It's comparison at the end that rules. Now I am a die hard fan of Fleabag and the priest. Nothing changes. Even if you ask me which one is better it's Fleabag. Phoebe waller bridge wrote loneliness, unrequited love, sisterhood everything so well that even a hot Rabbi with his fulfilling love can't surpass it. So why I am comparing it when I have already decided what's better ? So it's for the readers. You got to watch Fleabag. You got to watch both the seasons. Don't skip man. And you got to watch this too. So let's start with whats authentic about fleabag. So the Hot priest is not simply a good listener that he let...

This is kind of a personal diary entry of the last few weeks. So I would be starting with the fact that yes these last few weeks have been the best time of this year. Last year this same time I was so heartbroken, I was so not in the right mind, right mood but it's true everything passes, sooner or later everything does. And it did. Probably the best part of 2024 happened and we all know good things involve people. I had one of the nicest Durga Pooja after such a long time. Nobody had got sick, no dengue, no guy problems, complete peace of mind. I dressed up nicely, ate good food, had one of the best times teasing my brother and getting teased by him. I had one of the nicest conversations with my friend who is not my age but we trauma bonded and it just made me realise why I am this kind of person a little more intensely. I was even talking to a guy for the past few weeks and wow I have felt inspired and motivated after such a long time. I even fixed my sleep schedule and study sch...

The chain of transmission is a beautiful phenomenon. One thing leads to another. Recently I had watched Talvar and despite the whole essence of the story, this time the particular focus was on Irfan and Tabu's crumbling marriage ( "alag hone ki bhi koi vajah nahi, toh sath rehne ki bhi koi vajah nahi"). There's a particular scene when Tabu hands their wedding album to him as something which belongs to him and Irfan asks him whether she has watched the movie IJAZAT, and this is how I landed on this masterpiece. What a nice culmination. What an absolute heartbreaking story to watch. The movie revolves around two people who separated and one fine day met in the waiting room of a railway station while it was raining torrentially. I cant explain how I felt about this movie but one thing I realised, life doesn't give you second chances or maybe it does give you second chances but you can't see them at the right time. Both move on. Everything goes fine up until one d...