Zindagi se mutmaeen ???

It's maybe that part of the month or I might be too much at peace with myself. Finally I have come to my old self which I was not able to find in myself. Few days back a friend of mine was talking about the loneliness she felt and as if there was no one to talk to her except family and I realised how long has it been since I felt that kind of lonely. My family isn't here and all day I maybe just talk 1/2 hr with my parents. I go to college study come home study go to sleep and the cycle repeats and I have never felt this satisfied with the routine. I get tired but haven't been frustrated in a long time. I have felt the gravity of the syllabus but haven't panicked yet. I think maybe I am owning myself up to the routine. I remember after my second year results, my father who never sugarcoats anything and is always very blatantly harsh about the truth just told me one thing " Keep yourself busy, don't give yourself the time to think about anything, work and work and sleep - you won't miss us" and maybe true I have habituated myself to this akelapan. I find myself truly comforted in the silence of my room. I remember in 1st year on weekends I used to feel agitated and felt as if the walls would collapse me with their silence but now the urge to speak to anyone has gone. I talk to my friends and all over call and everything but that urge that helplessness that feeling of alone it's gone. We truly transform with time. I remember a friend one day said " I need to know who I am doing all this for, who is going to be at the end of it with me" and I was wondering how I never thought like that. It was always whatever I do or did it was always for myself. Sounds selfish but honestly my parents never wanted anything from me, so my entire life I have been doing everything for myself and I have never worried about who it's going to all end with and I find it so liberating. Finally I have come to realise we are truly responsible for our happiness. We can't burden anyone with this responsibilty. I do have good amount of free time now. I watch cute shows here and there and I just hope it goes this way till the end of this🧿

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