Basic Shit

Last week was horrendously awful. You will realise how miniature love problems are when life becomes problematic. And it wasn't just me who went through with it. A few of my friends did too and while we were talking about it one said " I just want to go home" and for a second I froze. No matter how much we don't like it at home for reasons I am not particularly fond of mentioning but when something goes wrong all we want is to go home. The familiar faces. The comfortable silences. The zeal of not concealing wounds. The zeal to just take a deep breath on seeing your mother. For all those who leave their homes for studies or career, " hum log tuth kar alag nahi hote, hum log cheed kar alag hote hai", the way a cloth gets torn apart, it's threads in unevenness trying hard to stay joined but you just can't. For a person who doesn't cry frequently this entire week felt as if I was at the verge of breaking down. Last year I remember at a similar point of time, I missed my local train and as I felt it leaving, leaving me stranded on the station I felt probably this is the way everything starts to fall apart slowly, steadily and then all at once. Sometimes I think what's with all this freedom, it has now been the source of a loneliness I get subjected to quite often. I sometimes wish to meet the Priest and confess the way fleabag did because I really want someone to tell me what to do, what to wear, what to eat, when to sleep and everything. For once I really want to be told to and I would just wish to follow with no questions asked and no complains. It just gets tougher day by day. It has been so long that I have fallen in love. Don't we all need the sense of belonging. I sometimes feel exam times are the best times, atleast you don't overthink, overfeel, you just study and stay preoccupied. Life feels fulfilling with a sense of purpose but then exams get over and again the thoughts creep in. Marriane, Connel, fleabag, Priest, past lives, Notting hill, Kramer vs Kramer, The way we were  everything just comes back to its usual existence in my life and consumes me till I find a sense of purpose. I am probably just rambling. Just stop reading all this crap in case you started. I just had to vent it out. It isn't the illusion of empty spaces, they exist, we simply just wish to fill it with knowledge, art, human interactions but can empty spaces be really completely filled ? 

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