MB Days

I had been planning to write this from a long time. The MB days. Maybe the pain eases with each MB or maybe it doesn't. Maybe the expectations get lowered with each one or maybe they get heightened. It all depends. So let me start with how it started.  I felt the need to study with full concentration and full dedication from the time of my micro semester result. It wasn't good and the result of my fellow batchmates was just too good to make me realise I am doing something not right. Now the strict regular studying pattern took time to develop and by the end of February I finally managed to wake up and sleep at respective times without delaying anything. Proper sleep schedule, proper food schedule, proper phone schedule. I am not very good at handling distractions but I am very good at cutting myself off from them so I kept my social media accounts permanently switched off. Mental breakdowns in between were common. Started pulling all nighters in the last week with biscuits and bananas and hot water. Breakfast during the exam time was "Jol Muri" and lunch "maacher jhol bhaat". Today I had Chinese after a long time. But one thing I realised after this MB, lower your expectations. Lowering your expectations is the only way to prevent impending doom of unhappiness. Sometimes passing is all what is necessary. Give efforts, give 100 percent of what you can buy lower your expectations. The papers are never going to come like the ones that came in school exams. You are meant to cheat and leave questions. You are meant to cry in between. You are meant to sacrifice your sleep. It demands that. Now I don't know how will the results come out. I only hope to pass with marks that I don't have to feel about when I tell them to my parents. Although I would really want the results to be some sort of lesson for me so that I study althrough the year. I don't regret going to the 15 concerts and all the fun I had this year but I certainly feel that what I am doing isn't sustainable in the coming years. Thanks to my friends with whom I have discussed topics all through the year and to people who I have explained stuff and in the process learnt better. I seriously feel that I need to be kept in constant pressure in order to study properly. The zeal to study on my own without any exam stress just doesn't come naturally any more. Maybe this is the disadvantage of staying away from parents vigilance.  Lastly I would just say I am writing all this so that I read it before next MB and make myself not repeat the same mistakes I did this year. 

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