Agony of love

How many of us are scared ? I mean really scared about messing up pre-existing good things. The potential unwantedness towards great things just because we are afraid. I am right now, and probably it looks like a love issue and it is but I am so damn scared that I am in denial. Every single moment which I can devote towards just being happy with how things are, I am hoping of wanting more. Now I am not just hoping I am practically making my life revolve around it and the fact that this will all go away if I take the plunge makes me so damn scared that all I want is to keep it within myself. I don't know what will it lead to. I know I have asked many of you to help me with this but I see how things might change and for a person who's life never had stability and was constantly changing and someone who is scared of change rather than acclimatizing to it I find it very difficult to take the step. The fact that there's an equal possibility of things getting ruined and at the same time great things happening that makes me question the whole idea. Let me ask you, how are you completely sure you are into someone? Like even if Tom Cruise is even a viable option  will you still choose that person ? No matter how confident I am,  how smart I am but when it comes to matters of feelings, emotions I find myself so full of them that I can't express them even to  the slightest extent. I have been one of those people who never had felt this much deeply for anyone in this world. My feelings for people tend to be so superficial that I tend to move past them. I know this is not like the visual appeal which I tend to have. To the readers, you might have gone through the same, what did you do then ? If situations like this happened earlier I used to watch movies on break ups and failed marriages and the effect would subside but this time the positivity in me doesn't let me believe in anything going wrong. I tend to be so much happy with this new found meaningful liking towards the person that I can hardly get over it. The thought of that person makes me smile. Remembering simple conversations from the past makes me smile. I never in my wildest dreams thought this would happen. I know I am just blabbering and you will eventually get bored reading this but if somwthing like this has happened to you then please tell me what did you do in this situation.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Growth

You can't feel how far you have come until you look back once in a while. You can't for sure quantify growth but you can really see the difference. October really made me see into my personal growth this month. The month started with going to Delhi all by myself to see places which I had gone to in my childhood. Re-visiting all the places to which lot of good memories were associated with. Safdarjung tomb, Humayun's Tomb, Sundar Nursery all great places bound with historical references that my father once used to teach me. Going all the way in public transports that too in Delhi felt a little scary until and unless it was done especially with my tendency to doze off at places. But yep I managed to keep myself awake and cautious and walk and see and go and meet and everyhing I had thought about doing. Then comes the Baroda part. The homecoming started on a sad note with my mother and brother in the hospital and the so long awaited trip getting cancelled but then it was all g...
Read more

Life lately

This is kind of a personal diary entry of the last few weeks. So I would be starting with the fact that yes these last few weeks have been the best time of this year. Last year this same time I was so heartbroken, I was so not in the right mind, right mood but it's true everything passes, sooner or later everything does. And it did. Probably the best part of 2024 happened and we all know good things involve people. I had one of the nicest Durga Pooja after such a long time. Nobody had got sick, no dengue, no guy problems, complete peace of mind. I dressed up nicely, ate good food, had one of the best times teasing my brother and getting teased by him. I had one of the nicest conversations with my friend who is not my age but we trauma bonded and it just made me realise why I am this kind of person a little more intensely. I was even talking to a guy for the past few weeks and wow I have felt inspired and motivated after such a long time. I even fixed my sleep schedule and study sch...
Read more

Hormonally Possessed

When does loneliness really hit ? Is it just before going to sleep, or while travelling by train or while suddenly watching something which you crave for and yet can't get. I don't know why it has been like this but loneliness feels like a companion that's resting on my shoulder as I try to cope up with the day. I might be functioning at high productivity but still there's some part of me that I realise isn't getting satisfaction from the grill. I need to find a new coping mechanism. Somehow what has worked for so many months isn't working out at the moment. I don't know maybe I am not well thays why, or maybe it's just something I need to detox from. I was just crying out of the blue, I even insisted my best friend to let's open a dating app. I was legit feeling the absence of something I craved and at the same time didn't want.  This is all I felt on Saturday. No wonder I got my period. It all makes sense. Hormonally possessed I was. It started...
Read more